Running On Empty…
I’m sorry, it’s been minute since I last posted. I’ve been running on E…
As parents, partners, leaders and simply humans there are times when we simply don’t have any “extra” to give. If you are anything like me, then I know you love hard, care deeply, and give sacrificially to those things and people that possess importance in your life. You deliberately give, sow, and invest in your work, volunteerism, business, community, family, friends, and loving relationships. And as a consequence of always being the person who gives, we are oftentimes also the person who is empty while trying to fill everyone else. And that is where I found myself recently…
I been struggling lately… My mind had been racing on a never-ending hamster wheel of issues, trying to find (and be) the solution. I had been unbalanced for the past two weeks with the scales leaning more to emotion than to logic (which is NEVA a good thing! LOL). I have so many people dependent upon me for everything from literal sustenance and provision from my children (which I’m honored to do), to support for the businesses I mentor, encouragement and correction to my sister-friends that I share accountability covenants with. All the way to sensuality, sensitivity, and safety for my personal relationships. I also have the responsibility of being a leader for my staff and organization and to add on top of all that …provide experiences and products as a business owner to my customers and readers. It is a lot…
I don’t know if I even realize how much I give because it just feels like living to me… I was created with a servant’s heart and no matter what I do to change that it NEVER works! LOL. I have tried to be selfish, unforgiving, detached, and isolated but somehow, I break under the pressure of trying to be someone I am not. I extend a ridiculous amount of grace to people who would probably never do the same for me. I honor those who curse my name and I love passionately even when I know a person’s heart is far from me. And here is why… Everything I do, say, believe, and commit to with a pure heart and good intentions, always returns with a harvest that prospers, strengthens, and blesses me! I don’t believe in doing anything half-ass because I don’t want no half-ass harvest! LOL. I will give and give and give because I fully expect to reap, reap and reap some more. I don’t serve or give just to get, but I can serve and give because I have 100% confidence that God himself will take care of me as I take care of what He puts in my hands. However, I still get depleted, I still get discouraged, I still suffer heartbreaks and I still feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities I have at times…
So instead of writing about something random, I decided to let you into my head and heart today. I think we all (at some point in time) have allowed ourselves to believe that our value is found only when others express or see it in us. We transmute the objective of serving and loving, from its original purpose to a deformed pursuit. For example, you can really be into someone (or working on an existing relationship) and find yourself trying to say and do everything that you think will make that person happy in order to “make” them like/love you more. The end result is usually that person taking advantage of you and ultimately a broken relationship or you become resentful that they don’t want what you forcefully trying to give. We do that, because it’s easier to try and be something to someone else that we won’t be to ourselves…Instead of doing the hard work of dealing with your own issues, brokenness and insecurities so that we can authentically know, love and enjoy ourselves. Using that knowledge to discern if a person will be able to add more value to our life.
The goal is not to try and make yourself seem valuable to something/someone, but it is to express (in a consistent and constant manner) that YOU are valuable and with or without them will remain to be. This is a prime and common example of how we transmute (or F’up!) the divine purpose of relationships and serving others. It is supposed to add to you and your life and not become something that solely takes from you. A sure sign that will help us discern if a person or situation is worth our time is this… you’re not always the one giving, calling, texting, buying, supporting, apologizing, following up and through because there is a mutual, equal, consistent and deliberate interest in increasing the holistic value of the relationship… if it’s not… they don’t deserve to be in your life (at least for this season, b/c people can and do change).
So, to bring this all the way back home… I was highly emotional and extremely frustrated trying figure out how to make these situations and relationships, be better and more accommodating for everyone else BUT ME! I was working non-stop, excusing poor performance/behavior, ignoring the red flags and inconsistencies in an effort to keep everyone and everything comfortable without any drama from me. The problem with all those things is simply that, I was doing it out of my respect for my job, business, and relationships instead of respect for me. Serving, giving, providing, and loving must come from a place of humility, where you know God will give it all back but more importantly, He has given you all that you have to give and it’s irresponsible to hoard God’s gifts. And it must also come place from a place of wisdom and not stupidity… you wouldn’t pour a gallon of water into an 8oz teacup because you can see that the teacup is not built, nor does it have the capacity to receive a full gallon of water. The only thing it will do, is consume all the water it can until it overflows and makes a mess!
We all have to stop giving “teacup” sized jobs, environments, and relationships the saturation of our “gallon” sized gifts, loyalty and love because it’s not fair to the organization/person(s) who is actually built to receive your gallon, but also have more than enough within them to pour back into YOU! There was no need to for me to be so overwhelmed, but it was because I was undernourished by the things/people I allowed to be in my life. I hope that you will do the same thing I am in the process of doing…learn to let go of everything & person that doesn’t add, enhance, or bless your life. So that you can hold on to everything and everyone that wants to give, share and pour into you, with the goal of living the divine plan for your life without ever being empty again…
Well stated!! Appreciative of your perspective and rational expressions. My personal take away: It’s never to late to evolve in understanding you, your peace of mind, and God’s plan for my heart felt awareness, desires, and expectations.
Thank you 🥂