I’m Tired…of Me!

Before we get started, let me say this… don’t be judging me for what I am about to say! (I said, what I said) 😊.

My life is a complex web of responsibilities, roles, and relationships. Intrinsically, I thrive on the velocity of it all. Everything in my life is exactly how I created it to be with my thoughts. My material possessions, professional, personal, and spiritual ascensions were all manufactured in my mind. Whether you are aware of it, you too have created your world with your thoughts. Every single thing in your life was constructed by your imagination, fears, or faith. Your health, career, relationships, finances, networks, etc. are all subject to you… and only you.

I have a proven track record of declaring a thing and it manifests itself. Yet in still, with all my accomplishments, success, happiness, and power I still be f@%#in up!!! 😊 For real though… this is what happened. I had a situation presented to me that required me to consider changing a decision I had previously made. I decided to do so… I communicated this change to the person impacted and within two hours later… I went back and changed my mind, after changing my mind!!!

This may not seem significant to you but here’s where I pissed myself off at. But I had the choice to honor my word but what I did instead, was to honor and yield to all the words in my head populated by emotion (not logic or positive power). After I went off and backtracked on the person… God started to deal with me, and I knew I needed to apologize (which I did)! Smh lol. Now there’s nothing wrong about messing up and cleaning it up, but most of the time…. there’s no need to mess up in the first damn place!

Shortly after, a friend called and asked how I was doing and I said, “I’m tired…of me!” LOL.I get on my own nerves sometimes ya’ll! This situation was uncalled for and really unnecessary, but I had to be extra and waste energy that should’ve been redirected to expecting the best outcome instead of fearing the worst and trying to avoid the potential for pain, by stonewalling and running away. Most of our problems we create, and that’s because we fail to create a solution. We’re human, so it’s natural to fail and be emotional however, its unnatural to continually stay in cycles of pernicious failure, pain, and disappointment. At some point in time… you gonna get tired of some the stupid stuff you do too. And like me, you have to be real enough to own it, apologize for it and then move on. Abound from the nadir of life and hold yourself accountable, deny yourself the right to continually do (and say) the same selfish, stupid, and senseless things that don’t reflect who you are and will be. Learn to let go of all the parts of you, that get on your own nerves!